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Hi. My name is Joe. I just really like my cats and dog, okay? And gymnastics, The Hunger Games, Jennifer Lawrence, Friends, 30 Rock, Tina Fey, dance, choral music, other music, butts, and shit that makes me smile.
Kyla Ross, Hillary Clinton, Mckayla Maroney with her left leg replaced with a machine gun, Gabby Douglas, Aly Raisman's mom, Jennifer Lawrence
Well, obviously vaulting is going to include Hillary with her coach Bill, Machine Gun Maroney (for safety purposes to protect Hildawg and Bildawg), and I’m going to put someone a bit risky up as anchor…. Let’s go with Lynn Raisman because I firmly believe that she still has what it takes to compete internationally, though only a high school gymnast. She’s that good. And besides, Jennifer Lawrence has to dress up as Katniss and protect Hil/Bildawg from a second location and Gabby and Kyla are too polite to tell fans to back off, so they are on the sidelines signing autographs.
Okay. Uneven bars. We have to start off with Kyla because she has shown in camp that she can sign autographs while performing her routine. Bill will be second (dressed as Hillary, obviously [please don’t tell the FIG]). We need him for the team- he’s that good! Gabby Douglas will anchor this uneven bars rotation because she’s good and she finally grew a ‘tude and told her fans to back off.
Jennifer Katniss and MGM (Machine Gun Maroney, you see what I did there?) are still protecting Hildawg while Lynn cries over Aly’s gold medals. She’s just so proud, you guys. Leave her alone.
On beam, Lynn pulls it together to lead off team…USA? Her start value is low so she has to depend on her execution. Good thing that in the current COP, if a gymnast cries on beam without getting the beam wet, extra 5 points for you. So if Lynn does this perfectly (and continues to cry), she could get up to a 17.5 (yes, her d-score is about a 2.5, don’t judge her; she has really good technique). Kyla is second because, like on uneven bars, she showed in camp that she can sign autographs while performing her beam routine. The skill will be called ‘the Ross’ and will be of Q value. Anchoring the team is Jennifer Lawrence (no, not Katniss) in her Oscars dress! Marta is allowing Jen this one chance to prove that she has what it takes to mount the beam and not falling on her face.
Mckayla was originally supposed to lead off on floor but her leg went trigger happy and she was disqualified from the meet, though her vault will still count. So at least there’s that. Since Hildawg needs someone protecting her at all times and MGM being out of commission, that leaves Katniss to take guard and Kyla, Gabby, and Lynn to go out there and pull out the win for team USA. Bill is getting snacks.
VT: Hilary, McKayla, Lynn
UB: Kyla, Bill, Gabby
BB: Lynn, Kyla, Jennifer
FX: Kyla, Gabby, Lynn
I obviously have a lot of faith in Lynn Raisman, but like mother like daughter, she can’t do bars.
Anna Dementyeva, Yulia Belokobylskaya, Huang Quishuang, Larisa Iordache, Lauren Hernandez and anna pavlova
VT: Huang Qiushuang, Laurie Hernandez, Anna Pavlova
UB: Anna Dementyeva, Huang Qiushuang, Lauren Hernandez
BB: Anna Dementyeva, Larisa Iordache, Anna Pavlova
FX: Laurie Hernandez, Anna Pavlova, Larisa Iordache
I don’t need Yulia. She can chill like Anna Li.
Thanks Joaco :)
Nastia Liukin, Joryn Wieber, Mckayla Maroney, Kyla Ross, Alicia Sacramone, Chellsie Memmel.
VT: Wieber, Maroney, Sacramone
UB: Liukin, Ross, Memmel
BB: Liukin, Ross, Sacramone
FX: Wieber, Maroney, Sacramone
Thanks Anon :) :)
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